Pessimistic Optimism

When I was in grade school, I was fortunate to be surrounded by individuals that I thought would be game changers later in life. This was in the late ‘90s and ‘00s, right when the internet was becoming popular and the shrill cacophony of dial-up filled the air. The world was young and anything was possible.

In elementary school, we used to have a tool called ‘Accelerated Reader’. The idea was to create a fun way to read more books. Each book was assigned a certain number of points (I’m making this up, but something like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone might be worth 25 points. Usually, the longer or more difficult the book, the more points it was worth). Then, you’d take a test on the book. How you performed on the test determined how many points you ended up with (ex. if you got 19/20 questions right, you got 23.75 points for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.)  Every six weeks, we had to hit a certain number of points as a minimum threshold (for example, maybe 15 points or 20 points depending on your reading comprehension level). The teachers would track your progress over the year by coloring in the number of cumulative points next to your name with a red marker on a blocked chart in the hallway, so you always had an idea of where you (and everyone in the grade) were. Over the course of the year, you might’ve gotten to 100 points or so when you added up all the six-week periods. 

I distinctly remember there were a few kids who had more than 800 points over the course of the year. The teachers had to staple multiple charts to the original chart to capture their progress. The charts began meandering down the hall on their own regard by year end. Their progress was literally off the charts. Those kids likely still have plaques next to the principal’s office more than 20 years later commemorating this achievement.¹

These same kids were brilliant through middle school and beyond. I knew other classmates from participating in something called ‘Science Olympiad’. You’d be placed in 3-4 events based on different scientific subjects (like water quality, meteorology, or flight). At the end of every year, there was a big competitive event involving schools from the whole region in which quality experiments were awarded with a medal (à la the Olympics, hence the name). There always seemed to be several teams from my school that won the gold.

Ambitious and driven from day one, I felt there was something special about my classmates. Maybe one day, they might change the world. Some wanted to become doctors (or I hoped they would become doctors or some other profession that would help others because of the high regard I held them in). I grew up in a relatively small town and I was excited at the prospect of my generation’s potential. Something like: “If the kids here are this smart already, imagine what’s possible in the larger schools and cities!”.

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I’m at a point now where I have to begin to ask the question, what happened? What has become of these otherworldly talents and what have they brought forth in the world since we were kids? I’m afraid I don’t see what I had once hoped for from my generation. Perhaps it’s too early to ask this question, but I can still ask it. I am only 30 after all, and we millennials are still relatively young. If greatness in life revolves around playing the long game, maybe we’re still too early on and I need to be asking this question 15-20 years from now instead. Maybe some were dealt a bad hand, maybe it was not meant to be. But still, it irks me. If we had to do it all over again, could my generation paint the Sistine Chapel or build the Taj Mahal or the Golden Gate Bridge? I have my doubts.

Photo by Calvin Craig on Unsplash

I want to make it clear that I’m in no way ‘roasting’ those I had the privilege of growing up with. I saw such promise in them that I always knew with complete conviction that my generation would be a great generation. A generation that ushers in a cultural renaissance, one of reason and intelligence (emotional and intellectual) - masters of the information at our fingertips, yet also driven by beauty, creativity, and art. One that would learn from the past and create a thriving future. It might be too early to tell if I was wrong, but I hope I was right.

I’m taking this quote a bit out of context (it’s derived mostly as a critique of modern American culture and the idea of what to do with leisure time after modern work is no longer needed after most of it becomes automated, etc.), but I believe it applies here as well:

From The Thomas Jefferson Hour (A podcast by Clay Jenkinson and David Swenson) “#1255 Show Mister Jefferson” @ 54:56 :

If you had all the time in the world, what would you do? Would you take up ballet, yoga, Tai Chi, long distance running? Would you paint, sculpt, knit, crochet, knead artisanal bread? Would you learn languages? Would you buy a telescope and master the night sky, would you hike across Canada? Would you read the complete works of Tolstoy, Dickens, Dostoevsky, Orwell, and the Brontë sisters? Would you read the world's epics beginning with Gilgamesh and ending with Paradise Lost? Would you visit all the national parks of the world? Would you write poetry? The Great American Novel? A memoir of your family? Your own second treatise on government? Would you grow a weedless garden of Jeffersonian vegetables and eat 300 days per year out of your hands? Would you take up carpentry and make exquisite furniture for your friends? Would you take up falconry, or archery, or dressage, or Mongolian chanting? It looks as if God and civilization may finally call our bluff. How many of us have said, "If I only had more time, I would...?" Will we make art, make love, make wine or will we watch Wheel of Fortune and pipe all-star wrestling into our home theaters 94% of the time? Will we run marathons or just sit and watch NCIS and West Wing marathons? Will we make goat cheese in home presses or just mainline processed cheese in a can into our gullets? Nassau or NASCAR? Volunteerism or Velveeta? The jury is still out, but so far it doesn't look good...if this is not to be our promised end, we have a serious, even fundamental revolution in front of us.

I see many of my own generation ignoring the possibilities of life that might bring them alive and instead opting for an easier, more comfortable, distracted way of life. You could substitute Wheel of Fortune or NCIS for the NFL or Velveeta for TikTok into the above quote and…well you get the idea.

I am no exception. I don’t have anything figured out, I have no sense of what’s next for me in my life, and I have nothing to point to in the world that I created from the depths of my soul. Just as I can ask the question about the current state of my generation or of the brilliance I once believed in, I can also question myself. 

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I always expected the leaders in the world or in the community to be someone else. Someone smarter, stronger, better equipped or more prepared than me in some way. But what if it’s me? What if I am capable? What if I can help lead the way and be a light in the world? Why not? If I look around and don’t see what I had hoped for in this world, why can’t I create it? What’s stopping me? If not me, then who?

“If not now, when?” - Hillel the Elder

If you’ve read this far, you might've determined that I’m pessimistic. I’m not a pessimistic person, but I don’t feel there is enough urgency in my own life or in the lives of others (on average) at this moment to create something amazing that resonates through the years. It’s too easy to get caught up in small fears, habits, and distractions. I’m actually quite optimistic though, if, and it’s a big if, we can use social media to connect with others (and connect with them in real life), share ideas, build each other up, and combine our talents to create something in the world with a sense of community.

I’ve been asking myself recently what kind of legacy I want to leave behind in this world and what kind of world I want my future kids and grandkids to inherit. If you took a snapshot of the world today and you told me that this is what future generations are to be brought into, then yes, I’m pessimistic. But if we can gather the right people together, maybe we can still make something great.

Perhaps I’m naïve, I don’t know, but I believe a great golden age or renaissance can be had and using tools like Twitter to connect like-minded people, maybe you and I can pull it off. Heck, maybe you and I are this renaissance.

I’m not writing this to ‘awaken’ anyone. I don’t intend to wake up my generation or the world or those I grew up with. 

I want to wake myself up to the possibilities in life. I want to allow myself to be inspired by the recent individuals I’ve stumbled upon on Twitter/Substack/etc. (If I follow you, you inspire me in some way), to meet them, and forge great friendships. I want people I don’t know and will never know who are far smarter and greater than me to connect and get together through the technology we have now and create something that lasts forever. I want to step into the gap between myself and the heroes of a generation my imagination once thought up when I was in elementary school. 

And I hope that I can inspire and lift up others along the way. There are so many people creating something that they believe in in public or in private and I hope they ‘make it’, whatever ‘make it’ means to them. They give me hope. If you keep at what you believe in, you’ll be alright, and when you and I look back 50 years from now, we’ll find that everything worked out as it should.

I am optimistic about that.

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1. I visited again once a few years later, and the plaques were still there.